biOrb Tube--why you need this fish tank

Why You Need This Fish Tank–and what NOT to do with it

For 2019, our mission is to help you discover easy ways to help you become your most sensual self this year. Although our other “new you” stories focused on foods and eating to be your best, there are many other aspects to wellbeing that help you “bring sexy back.”

One of the most important aspects of your sensual wellbeing is living the least stressful life possible. That’s why I’ve selected a fish tank as my # 1 product you need to help you become your most sensual being.

A fish tank, you say?!

How fish can improve your life

As absurd as it might sound, studies show that aquariums reduce stress and anxiety. Why do you think dentists’ offices almost always have a tank filled with brightly colored coral and playful, exotic sea creatures? A study published in 2015 in Environment and Behavior found that aquariums have the potential to lower blood pressure and heart rate. Now I may sound like a broken record at this point but a healthy heart and good blood flow are essential to great sex.

There are also studies to suggest that an aquarium can also promote sleep, particularly for those with trouble falling asleep. As a kid I kept a bowl with fantail goldfish across the room from my bed. I definitely have fond memories of watching their graceful tails wave me off to dreamland each night. I also remember hours during the day of just watching their languid movements as they explored the bowl. And for those of us with an inability to meditate, “fish dreaming” is about the closest we can get to that resting state of consciousness.

Although I loved the experiences of watching those fish, there’s a very good reason I never got a bowl of goldfish as an adult. Goldfish bowls are a high maintenance. They require frequent cleanings, which means frequently moving the fish. And I don’t know how often you’ve moved a flopping goldfish out of water but I can tell you it’s a heart-pounding experience. In short, the whole thing defeats the purpose of acquiring fish for stress reduction.

The lowest-maintenance fish tank imaginable

So when the owner of a low-maintenance aquarium concept called biOrb introduced me to their product a few months back, I felt excitement tickle the back of my neck. You see biOrb aquariums are not only designed with durability and a sleek modern look, they also claim to be among the easiest pet habitats ever to maintain. It definitely made me feel like I need this fish tank. Would a biOrb aquarium be my gateway to a tranquil, aquatic experience?

The answer is YES! And NO!

What do I mean?

Well, I got my biOrb. It is incredibly easy to assemble and prep for aquatic creatures. The aquarium, which is made of a sleek, single piece of acrylic as opposed to traditional four-sided aquariums, is incredibly easy to clean. (No tricky corners!) In addition, a central tube continually passes and filters water, helping to constantly clean the underwater environment. In the paperwork, the company claimed that virtually the only maintenance necessary is changing the filter once every four to six weeks. Even I can do that! Meditative fish family, get ready!

Get ready for fish

Since I have two small children, I wanted to involve them in the fish experience. Not only were they able to help set up the tank but they came to the store to help select our new pets. Unfortunately we discovered, without a heater, there were few options of fish from which to select.

My children immediately gravitated toward the fantail goldfish. But I shut that idea down. Based on my past experience, I knew that fantails are extremely sociable creatures with big personalities. My husband didn’t believe me until, within minutes, the kids had the fish following their fingers and “playing.” I was not going to introduce small children to heartwarming, new family members with a life expectancy of less than two years. What we need, I determined, were nondescript fish to enjoy from afar as the stress-reducing swimmers they’re intended to be.

So we decided to order a biOrb heater and expand our possibilities to all freshwater tropical fish.

Now, here’s the “what not to do” part of the story I alluded to in the title.

Don’t do this!

With the water appropriately heated, we returned to the pet store. The children decided that our tank would be filled with four GloFish Danios. (I later learned that these are genetically modified fish originally created to help identify environmental toxins. They were later bred for the ornamental fish market and fed a constant died of dyed food. Had I known this from the beginning, I never would have carried home that baggie of GloFish. Ah, hindsight!)

The fish quickly adjusted to their new environment. But we didn’t adjust as quickly to our fish. Languid would not be the word to describe the Glo Danio. These fish dart constantly as though afflicted with a nervous tick. And to make matters worse, the smaller of the two chartreuse Danios had a deep, psychological issue of aggression. He constantly chased and bullied the other three fish. This was not at all the restful aquarium experience I’d imagined.

Research would have been a good idea

After accepting, with regret, that these would not be the fish to bring us to a higher state of consciousness, we began to live peacefully in our new fish-filled world. That is, until the evening I went to feed the fish and discovered the round-bellied, pregnant-looking pink fish was missing. I called my husband at work to ask if she was there in the morning. He assured me that she was “hiding.”

After conferring with Google, I determined that she died (in childbirth?) and was quickly devoured by the other three. It turns out that Danios have cannibalistic tendencies. And they’re known to consume their dead aquarium-mates in a matter of hours. Great, we’re living with stressed-out cannibals. This was not at all the fish experience I envisioned.

A couple days later, brown gunk started to appear on the white, ceramic shells we’d added to the tank for the fish’s entertainment. By the weekend it looked like the brown gunk, later confirmed as algae, was taking over. So we changed the filter–it had been about four weeks since we’d acquired the fish.

At least biOrb makes it easy

Changing a biOrb filter was as simple as the company promised. If we could only get the brown goo under control, this truly would be the lowest-maintenance pet experience I could imagine.

Of course, by the middle of the next week, you can guess what happened. The large green Danio went missing. At this point, I was actually rooting for the little green bully to eat the last fuchsia fish so I could take him back to the store and try again with a different, more docile variety. I was still committed to the idea that I need this fish tank but I was definitely convinced I did not need these fish!

Well, it’s now about a month later. And we still have two Danios living (almost) harmoniously. The brown goop remains although the spread of sludge seems to have stopped.

Finding Zen in an aquarium-rich home

Have we been able to find our Zen with these fish? Not exactly.

However, the biOrb comes with an LED light that can be adjusted to 16 different colors. Set by remote control, the light can be adjusted to a slow, color-shifting mode that I find extremely relaxing. The smoothly transitioning rainbow of light, along with the white noise hum of the filter can almost carry me off to a stress-free zone, if only until I catch sight of one of those neurotic cannibals.

Yes, I still think you need this fish tank

My advice to you, if you’re looking to bring a little modern Zen to your year is to get a biOrb fish tank. Yes, after all that, I still think you need this fish tank. I truly can’t imagine a better-designed tank for a stress-free fish experience…so long as you DON’T DO WHAT I DID!

Research your fish before heading to the store. Discover the personality and habits of your future family members before you buy. And if the fish get to be too much for you, just roll out a yoga mat, stretch yourself out and turn on the tank’s light show. Take a deep breath and enjoy the gentle hum of the bubbling water.

Where to buy

BiOrbs come in a variety of sizes and designs to suit your aesthetic and ambitions. (We have the Tube.) So, if you’re convinced that you need this fish tank, you can check out the variety of options on their website as well as order all your accessories.


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