Tag Archives: love

stranger than fiction

My life as a romance writer can get pretty strange. I realize that and freely admit it. I mean, I have a file on my computer named “porn star research”. You don’t get much weirder than that. But last night when the girls and I all gathered for dinner, certain things were revealed and I realized that life is far stranger than fiction.

I suppose I’ve always known this to some limited extent. I’ve actually watered down some true life stories for my books because the truth was too hard to believe. Just the other night I took one look at the name of a new bull rider on the pro circuit, Stormy Wing, and said to my husband, “If I named a character that I’d get killed with criticism, but it’s this kid’s real name”.

You see the dilemma when life is so strange no one would believe it if I were to write it in a book. However, I can write it here and perhaps have someone believe me that it is the absolute, God’s honest truth.

So what was the strangeness that assaulted me last night? It was the current state of the online dating scene. My friend has decided to make online dating a second job, or at least that’s what it seems like because it takes as much time and effort as a job, and some of the men she’s encountered are real pieces of work. For instance the one with the foot fetish. To his credit he did ask her during live date one (the one and only date) if a man with a foot fetish would disturb her. She asked the same question I did when she told me… what exactly does having a foot fetish entail? I was picturing toe sucking and cringing at the fact that it’s been far too long since I’ve had a pedicure, but apparently this man enjoys his (time for some purple prose here to keep the censors at bay) ‘nether region pleasured’ by feet. I kid you not.

In another area of the net, for people who don’t want to shell out the cash for the more well known and well advertised dating sites like the foot man above did, there is Craig’s List. Apparently you can find not only used furnishings on there but also men, women, and transvestites in the Personals section. I learned some new terminology. Apparently on Craig’s List in the Casual Encounters section, “car dates” are a perfectly common thing. (I believe they are using the term ‘date’ quite loosely there.) Fair warning, keep the kids far away from that site, my eyes are still burning from some of the images I saw.

Truth truly is stranger than fiction and in the internet age, dating is, sadly, stranger still.


closed for love

There is a phenomenon I’ve noticed quite a bit. Smart, attractive, older women who have never been married and in fact, rarely have a serious boyfriend for very long if at all. It makes you wonder why? They say they want to find Mr. Right. I’m friends with a few of these women and I enjoy their company just fine, so why are they still looking for love and not finding it?

Recently my one friend has begun seriously looking. The whole routine with the online dating sites, followed by day after day of basically blind dates, followed by her complaining that looking for love was a lot of work. Having been married for nearly 20 years myself, I hate to break the news to her that finding him is just the beginning of the work. But throughout this process of hers, I see a pattern. She gave me a whole list of things she didn’t like about the guy de jour before she even met him. After the date, the list grew. Things such as “He’s a former cop, which I don’t like” before the meet up. Folowed by “I didn’t like his teeth and he’s possibly a Nazi” after the meet.

That was when my original suspicions were confirmed. She isn’t open to finding love. If such ridiculous minutia is going to prevent her from getting to really know a guy, she will never get close enough to any man to fall for him. No one is perfect. There are imperfections with everyone, but when you are truly in love, you don’t see them.

I’m not picking on my friend. I think this phenomenon is common. In fact just yesterday it was a segment on Oprah. A very attractive 40-something year old woman couldn’t find love. They brought in a professional matchmaker to help her. The woman’s must have list for her perfect mate was a mile long and included things like “never been married, no kids, younger than her, and he can’t ever drink out of a straw.” What? Good luck with that (and that was exactly what the matchmaker told her).

So I guess my question is this… are some of us open while other are simply closed to love?